Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
