What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
