We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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