You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
