yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
