My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
