Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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