whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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