i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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