The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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