I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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