: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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