you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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