i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
