the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
