um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
