I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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