Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
