I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
