I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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