Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
