First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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