What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
