Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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