then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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