Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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