nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Randomize
