2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
