He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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