All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
