just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
