i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
