I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
