I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
