please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize
