I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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