another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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