How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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