If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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