i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize