and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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