I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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