Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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