okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
