Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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