Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
