there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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