ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she peed on how many people?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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