Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
