i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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