i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
