well you can't waste a boner
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
