It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
