I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
