omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
