i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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