He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
