Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
