i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
