Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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