trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize