I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
