I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
