I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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