well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
