And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
