omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
