You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
