There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
