you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
