dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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