After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
