first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
