Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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